Troll Me Is Troll Me Not

After an uncomfortable night’s sleep, Bobby Johnson hoped he looked better than he felt. His back hurt, his feet were sore, the tip of his nose wouldn't stop itching and no matter how many times he washed his hair, it still stunk.

            It took a lot of convincing for his parents to let him sleep in his room. When his mother saw him, she screamed and fainted. His father held up the family cross, crossing himself numerous times. Neither one of his parents dare touch him. He was a freak!

            His parents stayed huddled together. His father still held on to the cross. Bobby's mother wept continuously and his father was ready to call for the family priest.

"It's me, Bobby, your son." Bobby pleaded with his parents.

"You're not our son." said his father.

"We don't know what you are." This came from his mother speaking for the first time. "George, what are the neighbors going to think?" Mrs. Johnson addressed her husband with the question.

"I don't know, I don't know." His father said shaking his head.

"You won't boil us in oil, will you son?" asked Mr. Johnson.

"Dad, I'm your son, not some monster." wailed Bobby Johnson.

"Have you seen yourself Robert?" asked his mother.

"Not lately. Why?"

"Maybe you should take a look son." suggested his father.

            Bobby Johnson stepped around his parents. His father crossed his chest as he past holding up the cross.

"Ugh!!" he cried out loud.

"I have a tail now. What is happening to me?" Bobby shouted standing before his parents.

Little People

      
  Mysvous was curious about Grandpa Jones. To her he was a funny little man. Grandpa Jones didn't seem to have it together in his attic. Mysvous thought he was missing a few marbles. He hadn't been in the Jones' home for a good twenty minutes and already he'd caused 

Mrs. Jones to cry.

           Elvira was sleeping soundly and didn't hear the sounds coming from below, but Mysvous did. Tiptoeing down the stairs, Mysvous scurried behind a huge potted plant. Grandpa Jones was looking for something, mumbling to himself. Mysvous wondered the where about of Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Grandpa Jones shouldn't be left alone unsupervised. There's no telling what kind of trouble he could get himself into.

"Luther, I know you're in here somewhere." Grandpa called out.

"You can't fool me Luther." Mysvous peaked around the large potted plant. Grandpa Jones was on his belly crawling. Bosley appeared from out of nowhere.

"Luther!" Grandpa lunged at Bosley, missing him completely, landing in front of Mysvous!

"Oh no!" gasped an astonished Mysvous.

"Where being invaded!" yelled Grandpa Jones.

"There are little spies running around here."

             Elvira sat up in bed as if she'd been struck by lightning. She heard Grandpa's yell. The entire house did. Doors were opening and she could hear footsteps. Alexis came running from one direction, Elvira's parents from another.

            In the mix of commotion, Mysvous slipped away, flanked by Bosley. She was able to get back to Elvira's room and into the dollhouse without being missed.

"Whew!" Mysvous let out a long breath.

"That was a bit too close."

"Little spies?" Elvira said to herself running back to her room. She hurriedly peeped into the Barbie's house and was relieved to see a sleeping Mysvous. Elvira backed away quietly. When Mysvous heard Elvira leave, she sat up in bed.

"T'is a strange family this is." She acknowledged lying back down.

             Elvira ventured down stairs where Grandpa Jones was marching back and forth, than he began to skip, stopped and started marching back and forth again. From somewhere he produced a broom, placed it on his shoulder and started saying,

"One, two, I'm looking for you. Three, four, I'll watch the door. Five, six, little spies are alive. Seven, eight, they won't escape. Nine, ten, I'll sing it again." Grandpa Jones sang, marching around in circles now.

"Fred," Regina Jones called to her husband.

"Is he going to be marching all night?"

"He'll soon tire himself out Regina."

"Mom, I can't sleep now with Grandpa singing." complained Alexis.

"Put a pillow over your head Alexis." Regina Jones said with exasperation. Alexis stomped back to her room muttering to herself,

"Well if he's gonna sing at least he could pick a better song and been on key." Alexis slammed her door.

"Elvira." Called her father,

"Please make sure Bosley stays out of Grandpa's way. Can you please do that for me?"

"Yes. Daddy, I'll keep him in my room."

            Grandpa Jones continued to march and then all of a sudden he started doing jumping jacks, stopped singing and started shouting out names.

"Private Paul Revere, Corporal Benedict Arnold." Mrs. Jones grabbed her husband's head.

"Fred who is he talking too?"

"I don't know Regina."

"Is he going to start hallucinating?" she asked still holding onto her husband's head.

"Regina let go of my head. And again I don't know." Mr. Jones answered pulling away from his wife's grip.

            Mr. and Mrs. Jones sat down to keep an eye on Grandpa. Mrs. Jones noticed he was quiet.

"Fred look! I think he's nodding off standing up." Mrs. Jones nudged her husband.

"Maybe now is a good time to get him into bed." hinted Mr. Jones.

"And lock him in." Regina Jones volunteered.

"I can't do that!" Fred Jones said emphatically.

"I can!" his wife cried heading towards Grandpa Jones's room.

"Regina!" her husband called out halting her.

"Oh all right. I won't." she said annoyed stopping.

            Fred guided Grandpa Jones to his room. Carefully he pried the broom from his hands and gently helped him into bed. Grandpa grumbled something rolling over onto his side.

             The house finally settled down, everyone taking to his or her bed. Elvira kept Bosley in her room and she looked in on Mysvous, who was snoring softly. Finally everyone slept, surviving day one with Grandpa Jones.

Two Left Feet and a Right

Elvira relaxed on her stoop tossing a stick to Bosley.  Bosley caught the stick between his teeth, scampering back to Elvira.  Elvira was about to toss the stick again, when she spotted Alvin approaching her house running. 

            Elvira thought he was going to run pass, when he quickly made a U-turn down her walkway, almost tripping over his feet.

“Alvin what’s the matter?” Elvira asked standing up noticing how scared and pale Alvin looked.

“I, I was, was, walking in the woods and, and, I heard funny sounds coming from it.” Alvin trembled as he retold his tale to Elvira.

“Did you see anyone?” Elvira asked a shaking Alvin.

“No one was there.  I, I just, just, heard growling noises and they were getting closer and closer.  I just started running.” stammered Alvin.

“Here Alvin, sit down. I’ll get you something cold to drink.” Elvira said as she rose to leave.

“Elvira,” Alvin began grabbing her hand. 

“What do you suppose it was?” Alvin asked sounding even more frightened.

“I don’t know Alvin.  A wild fox maybe.” Elvira shrugged her shoulders.

“No, no, I don’t think a fox sounded like that.” Alvin said bobbing his head.

“Okay Alvin, stay here, I’ll be right back.” Elvira went off to get Alvin’s drink.

Alvin scooted over to Bosley. He was still sitting there when Elvira returned with a glass of lemonade.

“Here you go Alvin, drink this, it’ll help cool you off and calm your nerves.” Alvin eyed the glass suspiciously.

“What’s in here Elvira, a sedative or something?”

“No Alvin.” Elvira responded kindly trying to be patient with a frighten Alvin.

“It’s only lemonade.”
”Thank you Elvira.” He said.

“Huh shoo! Oh no, my allergies.” Alvin sniffed.

“Bless you Alvin.  Go Bosley.” Elvira shooed the dog away.  Bosley obeyed, leaving Elvira and Alvin sitting on the stoop.

Zoom! Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!  Elvira and Alvin looked up at the same time to see Bobby Johnson and Erik Blue racing by on their bikes.  They were coming from the direction of the woods, laughing as the sped by Elvira and Alvin.

“Those two!” Elvira mumbled to herself.

“Uh-oh, Elvira, they’re turning around! Look they’re coming this way!” Alvin sounded panic.

            Bobby Johnson rode up to the stoop.  Erik Blue stopped beside him. 

“Who’s there? Is anybody out there?” Bobby Johnson imitated Alvin, getting off his bike.

“I have a can of pepper spray.” Erik Blue joined in on the teasing.  Both boys burst out laughing, ribbing each other in the ribs.  Elvira stood up having enough of their shenanigans.

“So it was the two of you out there in the woods making wild sounds and scaring poor Alvin.” Elvira looked at them accusingly.

“Leave me alone.  Go away.” The boys both said in unison.

Erik Blue said, “Run Alvin, run, it’s coming after you.”

Bobby Johnson wiped his nose and eyes, like he was crying.  He changed his voice to sound like Alvin’s.

“Leave me alone.  I’m not scared.” He continued to mimic Alvin.

            Unbeknownst to everyone, Mysvous hid behind one of Mrs. Jones’s flowerpots listening.  Her eyes darken.  She was angry with Bobby Johnson and Erik Blue.

            Two silly boys; scarring the day lights out of poor Alvin, who was turning a shade of gray now.  Well there was no better time like now to give Bobby Johnson and his dim witted friend a taste of their own medicine.

            Mysvous placed her hand over the medallion she wore around her neck.  The gem lit up one at a time. Red, green, blue, and white illumination shot out around her head. 

“Oh Galleon, ancient friend of mine, I call to thee, to help me show two mean spirited boys, playing practical jokes is cruel and can backfire on them.  To the wind, to the seas, earth, wind, fire, let their fate be sealed.”

            Mysvous clapped her tiny hands and everything went still, time ceased to move.  She clapped once more and everything was restored.  Mysvous peaked around the flowerpot.  Elvira was telling Bobby Johnson and Erik Blue to leave.

“Elvira Little, wants us to leave.  Is she going to cry? You’re too little to do anything Elvira, you can’t even see over the handle bars on my bike.” Bobby Johnson continued to tease Elvira.

“If you don’t leave, I’ll get Bosley.” Elvira whistled for the dog.

“Oh I’m so scared.” Bobby Johnson laughed cruelly.

“What’s that loopy dog going to do? Lick me to death.” Bobby laughed even harder.

“Here Bosley.” Elvira called out.  Bosley came running and growling, baring his teeth.

“I don’t think he’s going to lick us to death Bobby.” Erik Blue said backing away.

“If he bites me Elvira Little, you’re going to get it real good.” Bobby said not laughing anymore.

“No Robert.  You better get on your crappy red girlie bike and ride out of here, before you get it real good!” Elvira’s amber eyes grew dim, a glow suddenly surrounded her.  Bosley started to growl even louder and deeper, taking a step towards Bobby Johnson and Erik Blue.  Bobby only stared back at Elvira.

“Come on Bobby lets blow.” Erik almost pleaded.

            Shrugging his shoulders, Bobby Johnson got on his bike.  He tried to petal away, but each time he placed his feet on the petals, they slipped off.  Again and again he tried, harder and harder.

“What’s wrong Robert; forget how to ride a bike.” Elvira teased.

“Shut up you little troll.  I know how to ride a bike better than you.” Snapped Bobby.

            Bobby Johnson should have never uttered those fatal words.  Once the words were out of his mouth, strange things began to happen to him.

“Bobby! What’s that?” Erik Blue asked pointing to Bobby’s upper back.  A large lump was growing.

“And look at his feet.  They look funny.” Alvin pointed out too, pointing at Bobby’s feet.

“He looks like he has two left feet.” Elvira gasped.  Bobby Johnson stared at his reflection, looking into the mirror on his Mongoose bike.

”Uhgh! What is happening to me?” Bobby cried out in a strange shrill voice.  Erik Blue backed away slowly, stumbling over his feet.  Alvin stood up looking astonished; then he started to laugh. 

“It’s the hunch back of Bobby Johnson.” Alvin said laughing and sneezing.

“Oh my.” was all Elvira could say.

“Come on Erik, help me.” Bobby whined.

“No way man, I’m not touching you, it might be contagious.” Erik clumsily mounted his bike and crazily rode away, zigzagging. The front tire on his bike spun out of control while his back tire suddenly started to inflate and his peddles spun round and around. Erik gave up and jumped off the bike running as fast as he could not once glancing back. Soon he was out of everyone’s sight. His bike rolled after him chasing him down the street.

            Bobby Johnson turned to Elvira.  His eyes narrowed to tiny slits.  Pointing a finger at her he yelled,

“Every time I come near you something strange happens to me.  Look at me!” Bobby wailed in a whinny voice now.

“Any you call my dog loopy.  Maybe you caught something from being in the woods.” Elvira tried to explain his condition.  Bobby thought for a minute.

“Maybe, how am I going to get home?” he moaned.

“I’ll help you.” Alvin spoke up.

“You,” Bobby looked surprised.

“I have to walk that way anyway.” Alvin said.  Alvin helped Bobby onto his bike.  His feet still slid off the petals.  Alvin suggested,

“How ‘bout you walk.  You can use your bike for support.”

            Elvira watched the sight before her.  Bobby Johnson looks so pathetic.

“Robert,” she called out. 

“I think your bump is growing even larger.  You better get home before the towns people decide to get pitchforks and torches to hunt you down.  Oh no! Look Robert you hair is growing and your nose is all crooked.  Ugh! What’s happening to your ears? They’re growing too!”

            Bobby Johnson gaped at Elvira as if she sprouted two heads.  Elvira laughed.  She laughed and laughed, doubling over and grabbing her sides.

“What’s gotten into her?” Alvin wondered out loud as he helped Bobby Johnson home.

“Elvira Little.” Mysvous called, coming out from behind the flowerpot.

“Did you see him Mysvous?  He looked like an ugly creature from a nightmare.  I hope he makes it home safely.  He might be captured by animal control and sent to a zoo.  Look at the ugly beast.  Come one come all.  You did see him didn’t you Mysvous? I hope he does go to a zoo. I’ll be the first one there to throw peanuts at him.  Isn’t he funny looking?” Elvira asked with laughter still in her voice.  Mysvous watched Elvira.

“Oh my, what have I done?” Mysvous whispered to herself.